Why is it that.....

1.Moles are always smaller than you imagine.
2.At the end of every party there is always a fat girl crying.
3.One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint to toilet cycle
gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4.Youre never quite sure whether its okay to eat green crisps.
5.Everyone who grew up in the 80s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6.Reading when you are drunk is horrible.
7.Sharpening a pencil with a knife always makes you feel really manly.
8.Whatever your age the desire to make plastic dolls shag is almost impossible to resist.
9.Nobody ever dares make a cuppa soup in a bowl.
10.You never know where to look when eating an apple,
11.Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
12.Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
13.Rummaging in an over grown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
14.You always feel a bit scared when stroking a horse.
15.The smaller the monkey the more it looks likes it would kill you at the first opportunity.
16.Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
17.Every bloke has at some stage while taking a piss has flushed half way through and then
raced against the flush.
18.Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
19.Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
20.You cant respect a man who carries a dog.
21.Despite constant warnings you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by
a swan.
22.The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
23.People who dont drive slam car doors too hard.
24.Youve turned into you Dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood to specifically stir
paint with.
25.Everyone has an uncle who has tried to steal their nose.
26.Bricks are horrible to carry.
27.Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
28.Beneath every floating balloon is a tearful child.

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